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Bad Sports Betting Beats of the Week – NFL Week 7

This week’s bad sports betting beat caused sports betting Nicolas Cage to drive angry to the Baltimore Ravens practice facility, beat up Justin Tucker, and be gone in sixty seconds.

You might be thinking that sports betting Nicolas Cage is the worst sports bettor in the world. First off, don’t say that out loud. If he’s willing to pull a gun out on an elderly lady and her nurse, just imagine what he’ll do to you if you piss him off.

However, we have some exciting news. Sports betting Nicolas Cage is going to give all of you his gambling picks later this week for the weekend. He’s feeling cocky about his winning NFL bets on New England over Chicago, Minnesota over the New York Jets, and Kansas City over Cincinnati. Also, he won a college football bet (Michigan beating Michigan State).

Too bad one bet did not hit. Justin Tucker’s missed extra point hurt the majority of sports bettors that bet on either the Ravens to win or the OVER. Sports betting Nicolas Cage bet on the OVER, and now we fear for Justin Tucker’s safety.

New Orleans Saints vs. Baltimore Ravens (O/U 49.5)

Final Score: 24-23 New Orleans
Nicolas Cage Anger Level: ???

A top ranked offense versus a top ranked defense, albeit against teams playing poorly at the time. So how did sports bettors think this game would play out?

Most of the action in Vegas went on the Ravens due to their defense and home field advantage. However, the spread only moved from Ravens -1.5 to -3 during the week.

The O/U total for this game stayed flat for the week leading up to the game, with the lowest being at 49 and the highest at 50.5. To sports betting Nicolas Cage, the OVER looked like a juicy bet. Both of these teams like to air it out and score in bunches. Baltimore had the top scoring offense at home coming into this game, whereas the New Orleans defense has been shaky at best this season.

The Game

After the first half, OVER bettors were left frustrated at the lack of points. New Orleans went for it on 4th down FOUR separate times on their first drive, chewing up almost ten minutes of clock. They converted the first three times, but fumbled on 4th and 1 at the Baltimore 4 with no points to show.

The two teams combined for only 24 points through three quarters, but New Orleans came to life in the 4th and scored 17 unanswered to lead 24-17 with just over two minutes left in the game. Baltimore takes it all the way down the field to score a touchdown with 24 second left.

Then, the unthinkable happens. Justin Tucker missed his first extra point of his career!

Needless to say, but had he made that kick, it wouldn’t have mattered to sports betting Nicolas Cage who won. With how the game played out, no one can convince him, or us, that this game would have ended in a tie.

Justin Tucker picked the worst possible game to miss his first career extra point. Therefore, he will have to answer to Nicolas Cage. And if Justin Tucker underestimates how angry Nicolas Cage can get, even in his 50s…

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Bad Sports Betting Beats of the Week – NFL Week 6

Angry sports betting Nicolas Cage is going bonkers after the Chicago Bears and their #1 ranked defense failed to stop an offense starting Brock Osweiler at QB.

This week featured the perfect matchup for both fantasy footballers and sports betting degenerates. Too perfect, apparently.

We’re angry. Sports betting Nicolas Cage is besides himself. The Bears punched all those who had faith in them right in the face.

On one hand, the Bears lost, which helped our hometown team in the division race. Also, while we own and started their defense in fantasy football, their piss poor play didn’t cause us to lose. However, how they lost caused sports bettors to freak out in a manner that our favorite lunatic Nicolas Cage is privy to everyday.

Chicago Bears vs Miami Dolphins (Any bet that picked the Bears)

Final Score: 31-28 Miami (OT)
Nicolas Cage Anger Level: ????

The opening sports betting lines in Vegas had the Bears anywhere between -1 and -3. However, once the Dolphins placed starting QB Ryan Tannehill on the injury report, that line started to creep up more in favor of the Bears.

By game time, once the Dolphins announced Brock Osweilier as the starter, sports bettors banked on Brock Osweiler to be Brock Assweiler. As a result, the closing line had Bears winning by 7.

How heavily did sports bettors bet on the Bears this past weekend? According to William Hill U.S. sportsbooks, as much as 85% of the game action went in favor of the Bears.

The Game

Naturally, the Bears defense decided this was the game not to show up.

For example, look at this WWF move by Leonard Floyd on Danny Amendola that drew a quick 15-yard personal foul:

The Dolphins scored a touchdown the very next play.

With the Bears up 21-13 in the 4th quarter, you’d think their defense would take over and finish off Miami. At the very least, you’d think they’d be able to tackle. Instead, Albert Wilson housed two long touchdowns off of short pass plays.

But wait, there was still overtime! Still time to potentially win the Bears bet, depending on how many points bettors gave up…

…just kidding. After Bears kicker Cody Parkey missed a game winning 53 yard field goal, Bears bettors were toast.

The Bears still suck. TBD if sports betting Nicolas Cage decides to hunt down Osweiler after choking every single Bears defender with Chicago dogs.

Mr. Osweiler, you should have known better than to have one of the best statistical games of your career against a team in which the greatest and angriest actor of all time bet on.

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Bad Sports Betting Beats of the Week – NFL Week 5

Watch out kids, angry sports betting Nicolas Cage is back with a vengeance this week! This week’s bad sports betting beat in the NFL has our favorite lunatic actor raging on one specific Green Bay kicker.

Hate em or love em, the Green Bay Packers are one of the most popular sports franchises in all of sports. Because of this, more individuals tend to bet on them.

Hate him or love him, Nicolas Cage is one of the most dynamic and entertaining actors of this generation. No, we don’t care that this fact has little to do with this post. In all seriousness, if you hate Nicolas Cage’s acting, you’re an idiot, and we don’t trust anything you say.

Anyways, this week, we’ve got a two-for-one special. The Green Bay Packers kicker that shall not be currently named failed sports bettors on not one, but two bets in the same game. No other NFL game this weekend can compete with the effect that one person had on their  game.

If sports betting Nicolas Cage bet on both the Packers and the UNDER, he would fly to Green Bay, recreate his box office hit Face/Off on Mike McCarthy, then rip off the GB kicker’s kicking leg and beat him with it.

Green Bay Packers vs Detroit Lions (Packers +1 & UNDER 51)

Final Score: 31-23 Detroit
Nicolas Cage Anger Level: ???

The opening sports betting lines in had the Packers More than 60% of bettors bet on the Packers in Vegas. Despite this, the closing line on this game had the Packers anywhere between -1 and +1.5 in Vegas.

Still, Aaron Rodgers was playing. As long as Rodgers is playing, the Packers have a chance to win. In fact, Vegas oddsmakers consider whether Rodgers is playing as the biggest sports betting line mover in the NFL.

Even better, against the Lions, Rodgers owns a 13-3 record. That record includes a loss back in 2010 when Rodgers left the game due to a concussion.

Green Bay bettors had every reason to feel picking them was a great bet.

You all know what happened next. The kicking game from hell happened. While Rodgers lost not one but two fumbles in the first half deep in Packers territory, setting up the Lions for ten easy points, that paled in comparison to that GB kicker’s woes.

Three of the missed GB missed field goals occurred in the first half in distances where that kicker converted eight out of nine tries leading up to that game. Don’t forget, the game was played in a dome, so that kicker can’t blame it on the weather.

Even though Green Bay couldn’t come back, bettors on this game had another reason to hate that GB kicker.

The UNDER Bet Was Still Alive…Or Was It?

Most sports betting sites and casinos initially set the O/U at 51, with some as high as 51.5. Enough people bet on the UNDER that the O/U moved down to as low as 49.5 at kickoff. We’re guessing this happened because Green Bay entered the game without their #2 and #3 wideout.

With 19 seconds left in the game, the score was 31-20. Green Bay had no timeouts and had the ball at their own 23. While some bettors on the UNDER already lost, a lot of UNDER bettors had at least the chance to push at a 51 O/U.

However, Rodgers completes a 54 yard pass, and McCarthy decides to let the Packers kicker try a field goal to get his confidence back with seven seconds left and no chance at winning. Sure enough, the kicker converted, despite a day where he missed four field goals and one extra point.

We won’t speak on which sports betting beat was worse. However, the DraftKings’ New Jersey sportsbook won more money on the Detroit Lions’ 31-23 victory than all other NFL games this past weekend.

To the Packers kicker from a startup rooted in Milwaukee, we are rooting for you to turn it around. And please, for the love of God, be careful out there for sports betting Nicolas Cage. If he’s willing to punch women, he’ll do much worse to you.

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Bad Sports Betting Beats of the Week

Welcome to a new series on the StakeHaul blog, where we bring together bad sports betting beats and Nicolas Cage. If you don’t like this series, we’ll personally send an angry Nicolas Cage to scare you into liking it.

Everyone sports bettor has stories where the Gambling Gods find new ways to screw up their seemingly good bet.

For example, our CEO’s father, a Green Bay Packers fan, made a sports bet against his Chicago Bears fan buddy on the Packers winning more than 4 games over the regular season than the Bears and gave his buddy +160 odds. However, they agreed on this bet the day before the Raiders traded Khalil Mack over to the Bears.

Week 4 of the 2018 NFL season featured two especially awful bad sports betting beats for the losing side.

Below are the games. We will rate each game based on how angry Nicolas Cage would be if he bet on the losing side.

Houston Texans vs. Indianapolis Colts (+1)

Final Score: 37-34 Houston (OT)
Nicolas Cage Anger Level: ?????

The Colts decided to go for it on 4th and 4 with 24 seconds left from the Colts’ own 43 yard line with the score tied in overtime instead of punting it to secure a tie game. Needless to say, the Colts failed to convert.

According to ESPN Analytics, the Colts made a poor decision to go for it. Colts fans everywhere threw their TV remote at the screen and made them question their loyalty.

But wait, that’s not all! Afterwards, the Texans gained enough yards to get into field goal range. However, Ka’imi Fairbairn missed the field goal! Tie game, right?

Hell nah, said the Gambling Gods. They laughed their asses off as Colts coach Frank Reich called a timeout right before the field goal to ice the kicker. Naturally, Fairbairn converted the field goal on his second try, giving the Texans, and people betting on Houston to cover, the win.

Speaking of icing the kicker, that’s another coaching decision that been proven time and time again to backfire, according to numerous articles with a simple Google search.

We imagine Nicolas Cage clubbing a baby seal in anger if he bet on the Colts here.

New York Jets vs. Jacksonville Jaguars UNDER 40.5

Final Score: 31-12 Jacksonville (OVER)
Nicolas Cage Anger Level: ????

The Jaguars were up 25-12 on the Jets and got the ball back with around five minutes left in the game. The Jaguars marched all the way down to create a 4th and Goal on the 1 with 27 seconds left.

The Jets had no chance to score two touchdowns with that little time left. However, we still feel most coaches in that situation would have kicked the field goal to give themselves a 99.99999999% chance of winning as opposed to a 99.999% chance.

Instead, the Jaguars go for the touchdown and convert. Also, the Jaguars went for two, but failed to convert. However, that touchdown gave people that bet on the Over the win.

There is ample evidence that Jaguars coach Doug Marrone ran up the score as payback for not obtaining the Jets head coaching job following the 2014 season. We believe it.

Doug Marrone being a bitter man left sports bettors taking the Under on this game even more bitter.

Nicolas Cage would at first be screaming curse words after losing this bet, but we’d like to think he’d later appreciate that level of vindictiveness based on his movie villain roles.

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