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Nicolas Cage NFL Bets of 2018: Week 10

Sports betting Nicolas Cage won two out of three NFL bets last week. Here are his bets based on NFL Week 10 odds.

I was in Vegas this past week Monday through Friday and decided to listen to two “sports betting experts” flap their jaws on the radio.

One big topic they agreed upon is bettors should never bet on the Golden State Warriors this year because their team only cares about the playoffs. Therefore, you don’t know which nights they’re going to coast through and which nights they’re going to beat the brakes off their opponent.

The Warriors went 3-0 against the spread last week and are 7-4 ATS on the season, pissing me off.

What’s The Point?

If you follow sports betting long enough, you can talk yourself into any bet based on analytics or a feel for the matchup. On the flipside, you could argue you should bet on the Warriors at the beginning of the season because they’re motivated to position themselves into securing home-court advantage early.

No matter your reasoning, Vegas will always be more informed than you, and will set their lines according to the matchup. If there was one tried and true way of sports betting, bettors would put sports books out of business.

One day, if you readers are lucky, I’ll slowly reveal how I bet.

Nicolas Cage Bets

By the way, I’m 6-2 in my NFL bets over the past two weeks. Maybe it’s just my lucky crack pipe.

Just kidding. Seriously, don’t do crack.

On that note, on to the picks.

The home team is always on the right. A minus spread shows that the home team is the favorite, while a + spread shows the home team is the underdog. My pick always includes the spread.

Los Angeles Chargers at Oakland Raiders (+10)
Pick: Chargers

The Chargers already beat the Raiders 26-10 in Week 5. Since then, the Raiders put Marshawn Lynch on IR, traded Amari Cooper, and cut Bruce Irvin…

…really, do I need to go on as to why all you Cage fans need to hammer the Chargers bet? I’m getting angry just thinking about it. It’s like that one time I had to recite the alphabet to my idiot secretary.

In fact, I’ll make it real easy for you to have the best weekend of your life:

  1. Bet on the Chargers
  2. Watch Vampire’s Kiss
  3. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  4. Profit
New England Patriots at Tennessee Titans (+6.5)
Pick: Patriots

“But Sports Betting Nicolas Cage, why do you keep recommending large favorites on the road? Don’t the big bettors typically stay away from that LOL!?”

My immediate reaction:

Did you even read the first part above?

Listen, I already hate that I bet against the Titans last week. How was I to know that their putrid offense would score a season high 28 points? Just thinking about it makes me want to burn down JerryWorld.

My reasoning is the Patriots can score 28 points while sleepwalking. Also, that defense is better than given credit for. If they can frustrate Aaron Rodgers into only delivering 17 points last week, they can sure as hell keep the Titans less than 20 points.

New Orleans Saints at Cincinnati Bengals (+5.5)
Pick: Saints

Ah, what the hell. I’m going to keep betting on big road favorites here. The Bengals go into Sunday’s matchup without the team’s best player (A.J. Green), for one.

That Bengals defense is already butt, ranked 30th in scoring defense. Also, my favorite cheap-shot artist Vontaze Burfict may miss the game due to an injured hip. Do you really want to bet that the 30th ranked defense, without their best player on offense and potentially without their best player on defense, to keep the score close?

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The Haul – Fantasy Football Week 8 and Week 9

Our first ever two game losing streak in this league happened thanks to facing the two top scoring teams back-to-back and unfortunate bye week schedules.

Fantasy Football Week 8 Summary (for last week’s result, click here)

StakeHaul vs Team #11


Week 8 Points: 104.1
Head-to-Head League Result: L 104.1-142.7

Fantasy Football Week 9 Summary

StakeHaul vs Team #12


Week 8 Points: 130.1
Head-to-Head League Result: L 130.1-135.5

Total Season Points: 1093.2
Record: 5-4
League Standings: T-3rd
Power Rankings: 5th (unchanged)
Total Season Haul From Side Bets: +$90
FAAB Dollars Remaining: $88 (-$69)

FAAB Dollars Spent

Prior to Week 8, we spent $17 on Raheem Mostert (SF RB) and $2 on Dustin Hopkins (WAS K). Also, when we found out Rob Gronkowski picked up an injury, we paid $18 for Jordan Reed (WAS TE). The amount we bid for Reed was overkill since no other team bothered to place any bid on him.

Prior to Week 9, we successfully bid $32 on Courtland Sutton, the new #2 WR on Denver.

Thoughts From Week 8

This wasn’t the first two game losing streak we’ve had in our fantasy football career, but it was the first in three years in this league.

It turns out we never had a chance in Week 8. Unfortunately, neither Raheem Mostert nor Kenny Golladay could take advantage of juicy matchups. In reality, Odell Beckham Jr. outscoring Tyreek Hill was the only positive from that week.

Hear It From Our Week 8 Opponent!

Hahaha your top heavy team never had a chance. Looking forward to beating you again in the playoffs.

Thoughts From Week 9

This loss hurts a lot, even with Odell Beckham Jr. on a bye week.

First, our starting WRs could not get anything going. Second, Gronk did not play, and his replacement, Jordan Reed, scored very little. Third, our FLEX, Chris Carson, got hurt in the first half and did not return. Finally, and most maddeningly, James White outscored Tom Brady.

On a positive note, it was nice to see the Cowboys force Amari Cooper targets and see him score a touchdown. We’re not upset that not putting him in the starting lineup cost us a win. For us, the risk of putting in a newly traded WR on a bad offense over established #2 WRs on above average offenses outweighed the benefits.

Finally, we can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that Melvin Gordon seems to be over his hamstring injury.

Hear It From Our Week 9 Opponent!

Unlucky for you…see you in the playoffs.

Week 10 Preview and Looking Forward

Team #3 vs. StakeHaul

For Week 10, we face the currently last place team in our league. We believe this team to be much stronger than their position, however. Our opponent has the unfortunate combination of being 1st in points against and inconsistent scoring from players besides Saquon Barkley. Regardless, we need this win in order to keep pace for a playoff berth.

Looking forward, the top scoring teams in our league make up our projected playoff bracket. We’re 2-3 against the top teams, with our Week 8 loss being the only bad loss against the currently 1st place team.

Our 5-4 overall record has us tied for 3rd place with three other teams. Over our final four regular season matchups, three of them are against teams in the bottom half of our league. Therefore, we anticipate we’ll need to win those three matchups to secure one of the six playoff berths.

It might be too late to secure a first round bye in our playoffs, but we are one win behind the second place team, a team we beat in Week 1. If we win out, there’s always a chance.

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The Haul – FPL Fantasy Futból Week 10 and Week 11

Is the tide finally turning for our FPL fantasy futból squad?

FPL Week 10 and Week 11 Results (to see Week 9 results, click here)

Fantasy Premier League Week 10 Points: 77


Fantasy Premier League Week 11 Points: 71


Total FPL Points: 611
Default League Position: (up from 3rd)
Head-to-Head League Result (Week 10/Week 11): W/L
Head-to-Head League Record: 5-6

Lineup Shakeup

  • (Free) Kevin De Bruyne (MID – MCI; 9.7M) to Anthony Martial (MID – MUN; 7.4M
  • (Free) Luke Shaw (DEF – MUN; 5.0M) to Benjamin Mendy (DEF – MCI; 6.3M)

Point Haul/Loss from Transfers (This Week): +11
Net Point Haul/Loss from Transfers (Season – Weeks of Initial Transfer): -17
Money in the Bank (Week 11 Transfers): 1.0M
Money in the Bank (Current): 1.0M
Squad Value: 102.6M

Things We Like

  1. In Week 10, we captained Salah, and he rewarded us with 30 total points. It’s nice to see weeks like this to justify Salah’s high salary on our squad.
  2. Marcos Alonso showed us why he’s the highest priced defender in FPL. A clean sheet plus an assist netted us 11 points in Week 10. Also, while he didn’t nab a clean sheet in Week 11, he did record another assist.
  3. In a year full of questionable transfer decisions, transferring in Anthony Martial was a great one. We needed to make this transfer in order to get in Benjamin Mendy. Martial rewarded our squad with a goal and three bonus points.

Things We Hate

  1. We shouldn’t have transferred out Sadio Mané before Week 9. In Week 10, he scored 15 points, whereas Kevin De Bruyne only netted one point.
  2. Unfortunately, we made the wrong captain decision in Week 11. The tried and true method of deciding whether to captain Mo Salah or Sergio Aguero seems to be to pick the guy that’s at home. We stuck with Salah in Week 11 due to his Week 10 and the fact that 27 total goals were scored in Liverpool vs. Arsenal matches in the past five games. This decision cost us 11 points.
  3. James Maddison, despite the easy schedule these last two weeks, did not record a goal nor an assist either week.

Looking Forward

After eleven game weeks, we are back up to 2nd place and 54 points behind 1st. Our squad is in great position to make a run to take 1st place, especially since we still have our wildcard chip. Barring injuries, we plan to hold on to our wildcard for as long as possible.

Recall that the squad in 1st place after Game Week 20 will receive $450, and the team in 1st at the end of the Premier League season also gets $450.

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Nicolas Cage NFL Bets of 2018: Week 9

Sports betting Nicolas Cage won four out of five NFL bets last week. Also, he’s got a few things to get off his chest before he makes his Week 9 picks.

First off, my acting career is not a damn meme for you dimwitted pricks. If you can’t understand nor appreciate my acting style, I hope you get your legs broken and subsequently stung by a million bees.

Second, I’ve already warned the StakeHaul team that I will personally unleash Cage Rage if they even think about making me a meme.

Finally, the Packers vs. Rams game definitely qualifies for Cage Rage sports bet of the year, especially if you picked the OVER at 56 1/2 and above.

However, to all you whiners getting angry at Todd Gurley taking a dive before the end zone to run out the clock, he did exactly what he was supposed to do. If anything, you should release your inner Rage Cage at Ty Montgomery for his selfish kickoff stunt. At least you’d have a chance to cover your OVER bet, provided Mason Crosby didn’t shit the bed like he did a few weeks ago.

On that note, on to the picks.

The home team is always on the right. A minus spread shows that the home team is the favorite, while a + spread shows the home team is the underdog. My pick always includes the spread.

Nicolas Cage Bets

Kansas City Chiefs at Cleveland Browns (+8.5)
Pick: Chiefs

Chiefs finally fail to cover the spread last week. Otherwise, I feel this spread would be much higher since they’re still the same sexy, high-flying offense.

As far as the Browns, you likely know they fired both their head coach and their offensive coordinator. As I once said, “You’ll be seeing a lot of changes around here. Papa’s got a brand new bag.” However, the Browns changes won’t help them this week.

Chicago Bears at Buffalo Bills (+10)
Pick: Bears

HAHAHAHA I hope Bills fans aren’t saying “Papa’s got a brand new bag” with the Bills having to start Nathan Peterman. I know Bills fans are some of the most loyal and rowdy fans in all of sports. However, they all must be into BDSM or some shit if they’re willing to shell out hundreds of dollars to watch the Bears eat Peterman’s soul for three hours.

Tennessee Titans vs Dallas Cowboys (-5.5)
Pick: Cowboys

Papa’s got a brand new bag in Dallas. I think these changes will help the home team coming off their bye. Amari Cooper should inject some life into that passing game, and the offensive line coach switch should bolster the strength of this team.

The Titans are ranked #26 in scoring offense on the road, while the Dallas defense is ranked #2 in scoring at home. Also, while Dallas averages only 20 points per game, they average almost 29 points at home. Bet the Cowboys and thank me later.

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Nicolas Cage NFL Bets of 2018: Week 8

Sports betting Nicolas Cage is here to remind you that if you dress like Halloween, ghouls will try to get in your pants. Also, Nicolas Cage has some NFL bets.

I can hear the haters already. “But Nic, that’s not you that said that quote about Halloween that’s John Travolta LOL!!!” 

First off, to all those that haven’t seen me in the movie Face/Off, you’re an idiot. Watch the movie, and you’ll know that’s my character that says it. In fact, do it now before I break into your grandparents’ nursing home and threaten to blow their heads off.

Finally, I’ve been called one of the most charitable actors in Hollywood, and for that, I’ve decided to gift you my NFL bets for Week 8. You’re welcome.

The home team is always on the right. A minus spread shows that the home team is the favorite, while a + spread shows the home team is the underdog. My pick always includes the spread.

Nicolas Cage Bets

Cleveland Browns at Pittsburgh Steelers (-8)
Pick: Steelers

I see a little bit of myself in Baker Mayfield at that age, but no way the Steelers don’t cover at home with the hot streak they’re on before their bye week. This is my surest pick, and I’ll go full Cage Rage if this bet doesn’t cover.

Miami Dolphins at Houston Texans (-7.5)
Pick: Texans

Brock Assweilier still owes me a debt for having a career day vs. Chicago. I expect JJ Watt and the Houston defense to eat his soul tonight.

Baltimore Ravens at Carolina Panthers (+2)
Pick: Ravens

You’re a real asshole, Justin Tucker. I’m picking your team because the Ravens are 6-0 in their last six after a loss. However, I’m still coming after you when you least expect it.

New York Jets at Chicago Bears (-7)
Pick: Bears

I laughed my ass off when I heard so many “experts” picking the Jets to cover a +3 spread against the Vikings. I expect the Bears defense to force at least two turnovers and knock out the Jets early.

Washington Redskins at New York Giants (+1)
Pick: Redskins

The Giants just traded away their best run stopper and a starting cornerback. Not too many NFL teams have thrown in the towel halfway into a season where they acquired talent to make a Super Bowl run.

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The Haul – FPL Fantasy Futból Week 9

Our decision to captain Mohamed Salah helped our FPL fantasy futból squad, but we still did not make up any ground on the first place squad.

FPL Week 9 Results (to see last week’s results, click here)

FPL Week 9 Points: 47
Total Points: 463
Default League Position: 3rd (up from 4th)
Head-to-Head League Result: L
Head-to-Head League Record: 4-5

Lineup Shakeup

  • (Free) Sadio Mane (MID – LIV; 9.7M) to Kevin De Bruyne (MID – MCI; 9.7M)

Point Haul/Loss from Transfers (This Week): -1
Net Point Haul/Loss from Transfers (Season – Weeks of Initial Transfer): -28
Money in the Bank (GW8 Transfers): 0M
Money in the Bank (Current): 0M
Squad Value: 102.3M

Things We Like

  1. Finally, on the ninth try, we started a goalie that recorded a clean sheet!
  2. We captained Salah over Aguero this week and it got us an extra four total season points.

Things We Hate

  1. Marcos Alonso netted only one point this week against a struggling Manchester United squad. Maybe we were overconfident in thinking Chelsea would take advantage of this situation and at least net a clean sheet.
  2. While our goalie (Ben Foster – Watford) recorded a clean sheet, we started a defender on the opposing team (Wolves) and got nothing out of him.
  3. Frankly, our lineup is scoring less than expected lately. We now lost four in a row in our head-to-head league. It’s tough to have the patience to stick to our guns.

Looking Forward

After nine game weeks, we are up to third place, and we didn’t gain nor lose ground on first place. We need to start thinking on when we will use our wildcard. We’re hoping that De Bruyne gets back to full match fitness soon so he can start accumulating points. Also, we’re hoping his value shoots up quickly in case we decide to transfer him out during our wildcard.

Recall that the squad in 1st place after Game Week 20 will receive $450, and the team in 1st at the end of the Premier League season also gets $450.

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The Haul – Fantasy Football Week 7

A fantasy football team missing two of its most valuable assets due to injury usually makes for a bad week. Sometimes, it pays to be lucky.

Fantasy Football Week 7 Summary (for last week’s result, click here)

StakeHaul vs Team #4

Week 7 Points: 101.8
Head-to-Head League Result: W 101.8-57.7
Total Season Points: 858.6
Record: 5-2
League Standings: T-1st
Power Rankings: 5th (down from 3rd)
Total Season Haul From Side Bets: +$90
FAAB Dollars Remaining: $157 (-$59)

No FAAB Dollars Spent This Week

Below are the final results from last Wednesday’s waiver claims:

  • Mitchell Trubisky, Chi QB – $37
  • Wil Lutz, NO K – $31
  • Frank Gore, Mia RB – $23
  • Christian Kirk, Ari WR – $21
  • Jermaine Kearse, NYJ WR – $16
  • Chargers Defense – $16
  • Bills Defense – $2

Other Roster Moves

As we mentioned last week, we swung a massive trade for Melvin Gordon:

  • We traded away David Johnson, Corey Clement, and Alshon Jeffery
  • In return, we received Melvin Gordon, Chris Carson, and Amari Cooper

Also, we seem to have a revolving door at our kicker spot since we swapped Graham Gano for Brett Maher. Finally, we added Tre’Quan Smith, a rookie WR playing for New Orleans. With Ted Ginn recently placed on IR, we’re hoping Smith’s new role as the #2 WR pays dividends in the high octane New Orleans offense.

Thoughts From This Week

Even though we blew out our opponent, we got lucky again. This week, our opponent was by far the lowest scoring team.

This was the second week in a row in which our team scored better than only three other teams in our league. However, we can blame this on late week injuries to both Melvin Gordon and Rob Gronkowski. Hopefully, these injuries don’t linger.

The trade for Odell Beckham Jr. overall is still a wash, but we’re glad he put up stud WR1 numbers this week. Unfortunately, we won’t be able to start evaluating our trade for Melvin Gordon until after Week 9 due to bye weeks.

Finally, we’re happy to see Alvin Kamara score a touchdown against a tough Baltimore defense. Even better, that touchdown came from a two yard rush, which normally those touchdowns are reserved for Mark Ingram.

Hear It From Our Week 7 Opponent!

Congrats on winning this week’s Cuck Bowl. Your team still sucks.

Week 8 Preview

Team #11 vs. StakeHaul

Our opponent also sits at 5-2 and is 2nd in our power rankings. And with Melvin Gordon on a bye week, we admit we’re big underdogs. Also, we badly need Gronk back from injury to have a chance. Finally, we kindly ask Todd Gurley and Robert Woods to not score any touchdowns against our hometown Packers.

On a final note, we’re optimistic that Dallas trading for Amari Cooper will work out well for us. That isn’t saying much, but Cooper has nowhere to go but up. If the Cowboys are willing to give up a 1st round pick for Cooper, we imagine he will be fed a lot of receiving targets as the new #1 WR.

What more roster moves will we make? Will we make any side bets for the weekend?

Tune in next week to find out!

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Bad Sports Betting Beats of the Week – NFL Week 7

This week’s bad sports betting beat caused sports betting Nicolas Cage to drive angry to the Baltimore Ravens practice facility, beat up Justin Tucker, and be gone in sixty seconds.

You might be thinking that sports betting Nicolas Cage is the worst sports bettor in the world. First off, don’t say that out loud. If he’s willing to pull a gun out on an elderly lady and her nurse, just imagine what he’ll do to you if you piss him off.

However, we have some exciting news. Sports betting Nicolas Cage is going to give all of you his gambling picks later this week for the weekend. He’s feeling cocky about his winning NFL bets on New England over Chicago, Minnesota over the New York Jets, and Kansas City over Cincinnati. Also, he won a college football bet (Michigan beating Michigan State).

Too bad one bet did not hit. Justin Tucker’s missed extra point hurt the majority of sports bettors that bet on either the Ravens to win or the OVER. Sports betting Nicolas Cage bet on the OVER, and now we fear for Justin Tucker’s safety.

New Orleans Saints vs. Baltimore Ravens (O/U 49.5)

Final Score: 24-23 New Orleans
Nicolas Cage Anger Level: ???

A top ranked offense versus a top ranked defense, albeit against teams playing poorly at the time. So how did sports bettors think this game would play out?

Most of the action in Vegas went on the Ravens due to their defense and home field advantage. However, the spread only moved from Ravens -1.5 to -3 during the week.

The O/U total for this game stayed flat for the week leading up to the game, with the lowest being at 49 and the highest at 50.5. To sports betting Nicolas Cage, the OVER looked like a juicy bet. Both of these teams like to air it out and score in bunches. Baltimore had the top scoring offense at home coming into this game, whereas the New Orleans defense has been shaky at best this season.

The Game

After the first half, OVER bettors were left frustrated at the lack of points. New Orleans went for it on 4th down FOUR separate times on their first drive, chewing up almost ten minutes of clock. They converted the first three times, but fumbled on 4th and 1 at the Baltimore 4 with no points to show.

The two teams combined for only 24 points through three quarters, but New Orleans came to life in the 4th and scored 17 unanswered to lead 24-17 with just over two minutes left in the game. Baltimore takes it all the way down the field to score a touchdown with 24 second left.

Then, the unthinkable happens. Justin Tucker missed his first extra point of his career!

Needless to say, but had he made that kick, it wouldn’t have mattered to sports betting Nicolas Cage who won. With how the game played out, no one can convince him, or us, that this game would have ended in a tie.

Justin Tucker picked the worst possible game to miss his first career extra point. Therefore, he will have to answer to Nicolas Cage. And if Justin Tucker underestimates how angry Nicolas Cage can get, even in his 50s…

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The Haul – Fantasy Football Week 6

Our fantasy football team scored less than average, but still pulled out the win. After the win, we made a big time trade to acquire Melvin Gordon. Go big or go home.

Fantasy Football Week 6 Summary (for last week’s result, click here)

Team #5 vs. StakeHaul

Week 6 Points: 103.5
Head-to-Head League Result: W 103.5-91.1
Total Season Points: 756.7
Record: 4-2
League Standings: 1st
Power Rankings: 3rd
Total Season Haul From Side Bets: +$90
FAAB Dollars Remaining: $157 (-$59)

FAAB Dollars Spent This Week

Our league set the bar even higher this week in terms of FAAB dollars spent. Jay Ajayi’s season-ending injury caused us to bid high on his main replacement, Corey Clement. Below are the final results:

  • Corey Clement, Phi RB – $59
  • Randall Cobb, GB WR – $33
  • Wendell Smallwood, Phi RB – $26
  • Alfred Morris, SF RB – $26
  • Packers Defense – $15
  • Jameis Winston, TB QB – $12
  • Andy Dalton, Cin QB – $2

For context, the second highest bid for Clement was $42, with the next highest at $40. Needless to say, multiple league mates had interest in Clement, and we used that interest for completing a mega trade after this weekend.

Other Roster Moves

The only other roster move we made last week was when we swapped kickers. Specifically, Robbie Gould for Graham Gano. You’ll see below that this decision would have cost us a win against most teams this past weekend.

Thoughts From This Week

Remember, we played the team where the manager missed the fantasy draft. Also, the manager has not spent a dime in FAAB dollars all year. This team should not be in first place, in theory.

Having said that, we admit we got lucky this weekend. We happened to catch the 1st place team on a worse weekend despite our low scoring weekend. Alvin Kamara and Kenny Golladay both having their bye week certainly contributed to this, but we only scored better than three other teams.

So what went wrong? Our decision to roster Graham Gano instead of Robbie Gould cost us 15 points. We started the Bears defense instead of Minnesota, which cost us 14 points. Finally, starting Keke Coutee at the FLEX spot instead of Alex Collins cost us 12.9 points.

On a similar note, our trade for Odell Beckham Jr. has neither helped nor hurt us yet in terms of W/L or money made from side bets. However, if we look at strictly point totals, we’re down 11.9 points combined over the past two weeks., due large in part of Hill blowing up this past weekend.

Luckily, our new acquisition showed up, along with Alshon Jeffery.

Hear It From Our Week 6 Opponent!

Unfortunately, this team did not trash talk us before nor after this weekend. Pity, we had some good autodraft banter in our arsenal.

Week 7 Preview

StakeHaul vs Team #4

You’re probably thinking to yourself, how the hell did you get Melvin Gordon into your lineup? Well folks, remember that mega trade that we teased earlier?

This trade accepted immediately after Week 6 will make or break our season. To review:

  • We traded away David Johnson, Corey Clement, and Alshon Jeffery
  • In return, we received Melvin Gordon, Chris Carson, and Amari Cooper

We took a risk here. We gave up two and potentially three every week starters for a top-3 player in fantasy football this season. Barring unforeseen circumstances, Carson and Cooper are at best bye week fillers.

Interesting enough, while we like this trade, Twitter disagreed. 68% of voters felt we lost the trade.

As far as our opponent, they sit at 3-3 and 8th in our power rankings. However, they rank #1 in terms of trash talking. They’re that opponent where you change your team name to disparage their soul. They took it even further by changing their team logo to this:

That’s just mean. We plan to whoop some ass this weekend.

What more moves will we make? Will we make any side bets for the weekend?

Tune in next week to find out!

Finally, shoutout to Mason Crosby for TOTALLY REDEEMING HIMSELF against San Francisco.

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Bad Sports Betting Beats of the Week – NFL Week 6

Angry sports betting Nicolas Cage is going bonkers after the Chicago Bears and their #1 ranked defense failed to stop an offense starting Brock Osweiler at QB.

This week featured the perfect matchup for both fantasy footballers and sports betting degenerates. Too perfect, apparently.

We’re angry. Sports betting Nicolas Cage is besides himself. The Bears punched all those who had faith in them right in the face.

On one hand, the Bears lost, which helped our hometown team in the division race. Also, while we own and started their defense in fantasy football, their piss poor play didn’t cause us to lose. However, how they lost caused sports bettors to freak out in a manner that our favorite lunatic Nicolas Cage is privy to everyday.

Chicago Bears vs Miami Dolphins (Any bet that picked the Bears)

Final Score: 31-28 Miami (OT)
Nicolas Cage Anger Level: ????

The opening sports betting lines in Vegas had the Bears anywhere between -1 and -3. However, once the Dolphins placed starting QB Ryan Tannehill on the injury report, that line started to creep up more in favor of the Bears.

By game time, once the Dolphins announced Brock Osweilier as the starter, sports bettors banked on Brock Osweiler to be Brock Assweiler. As a result, the closing line had Bears winning by 7.

How heavily did sports bettors bet on the Bears this past weekend? According to William Hill U.S. sportsbooks, as much as 85% of the game action went in favor of the Bears.

The Game

Naturally, the Bears defense decided this was the game not to show up.

For example, look at this WWF move by Leonard Floyd on Danny Amendola that drew a quick 15-yard personal foul:

The Dolphins scored a touchdown the very next play.

With the Bears up 21-13 in the 4th quarter, you’d think their defense would take over and finish off Miami. At the very least, you’d think they’d be able to tackle. Instead, Albert Wilson housed two long touchdowns off of short pass plays.

But wait, there was still overtime! Still time to potentially win the Bears bet, depending on how many points bettors gave up…

…just kidding. After Bears kicker Cody Parkey missed a game winning 53 yard field goal, Bears bettors were toast.

The Bears still suck. TBD if sports betting Nicolas Cage decides to hunt down Osweiler after choking every single Bears defender with Chicago dogs.

Mr. Osweiler, you should have known better than to have one of the best statistical games of your career against a team in which the greatest and angriest actor of all time bet on.

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