Finally, I went undefeated in my NFL bets for a weekend. So you’re probably wondering, how did I celebrate?
This, for starters. Lots of booze.
Also, I partied like I did after winning the Academy Award for my role in Leaving Las Vegas.
I’m 15-8 in my NFL bets over the NFL season. This week’s picks will continue the theme of Leaving Las Vegas.
In fact, since I partied too hard and missed giving picks last week, I’ll pick every game this weekend! You’re welcome.
The home team is always on the right. A minus spread shows that the home team is the favorite, while a + spread shows the home team is the underdog. Remember, my picks always include the spread.
Rooting for the Jets is like rooting for the drunkest guy at the bar to successfully take a girl home. You just feel bad for them.
That being said, I’m not eager to beat on the Texans considering this is their first road game in four weeks. I think the Texans will jump to an early lead due to their significant rushing advantage over the Jets run defense. Then the Jets will have to pass to catch up. I think both teams can hang 20 points on one another, hence my Over bet.
The Browns are 1-24 SU in the last 25 road games. That one win came this season against a Bengals team missing a number of key players. Denver is missing a number of key players, including but not limited to their #1 WR Emmanuel Sanders.
As I’m sure you all know, Mile High Stadium is notoriously tough for the road team to win in December. I feel that Vance Joseph is coaching for his job in this game and has all the motivation to win.
Speaking of Mile High, that reminds me of that one time I joined the Mile High club…
Yes, I know that this scene is from Face/Off and not from Leaving Las Vegas. It’s my column. Wanna test me?
Anyways, I can’t see either offense performing well here. I’m more confident in the Under than Denver winning by more than three points.
This is one of my favorite bets this weekend. Minnesota, fresh off firing their offensive coordinator, switch to a new OC many thought should have been the hire in the first place.
I don’t care that Miami pulled off one of the plays of the year and beat the Patriots. The Dolphins are in the bottom five in most offensive categories on the road.
I’d rather have three hours of anger and depression than watch this game.
This is all of Green Bay after how this season turned out:
Thankfully, it’s almost over for them. They walk into Soldier Field against a team desperately trying to secure a first round bye. Combine that with how the Bears lost to an injured Rodgers in Week 1, and the Bears have all the motivation to win.
The Bears’ impressive success at home and the Packers’ inability to both win and cover on the road makes for a juicy bet on the Bears.
This O/U is lower than critic ratings for The Wicker Man. Whatever, those same blowhards obviously don’t appreciate good acting.
Anyways, any football fan with a pair of eyes can see that both these teams quit on the year. Washington is showing how much they care by starting a QB making his first start in seven years. On the flip side, Jacksonville is showing how much they care by starting some guy named Cody Kessler.
Both teams defenses are still pretty strong, so I feel confident this game will be an ugly shitshow and go Under.
Suck vs. Suck. Two more teams waving the white flag on this season.
So why am I picking the Falcons? I may be crazy (ok, yes I am crazy), but did you know the Falcons are 3-10 this season against the spread? If you bet against the Falcons this season, you’d be making a killing. I think if the Falcons had a more even record, Vegas would favor the Falcons by two TDs.
Yes, this is me trying to outsmart Vegas. We’ll see how this plays out.
I feel like there’s a lot of games this weekend where even the most die hard fans of their teams will not pay attention.
This is a game where even crazed Eagles fans will cease to pay attention by early 2nd half. The Rams are angry after their loss to the Bears last weekend, and need to make a statement here to show they still deserve a 1st round bye. Therefore, they should demolish a patchwork Eagles secondary through the air.
I’m picking the Saints out of spite for the Panthers. If you’ve been following my weekly bets, the Panthers screwed me over one too many times this season. Seriously, I’m angry just thinking about that team. I need a drink.
“So Sports Betting Nicolas Cage, if you had to pick three to bet on, which ones would they be?”